[ti]open[/ti][001] Ain't That a Kick in the Head

"Mom? Who the hell's named Mom?"

Jade stood in front of the cozy-looking house on Cerulean Lane, squinting skeptically at the nameplate on the mailbox. Guess it's kinda cute, she relented, equating it to those mugs that said "World's Best Dad" or whatever. Must confuse the hell out of the postal workers, though. Did this lady even have a last name?

She blinked, then did a double-take.

DId that say 'Jager' before?

Mom...

"Something hinky's goin' on," the ninja muttered, pursing her lips. Her eyes slid to the tall, silvery-haired figure standing outside the door. "Wonder if this guy knows."

She approached, cursing slightly as she limped over the gravel drive. Ouch! What kinda game is this? she thought as pointed rocks dug into her bare feet. "Hey there, sorry," she said, coming up to the doorstep. "I'm lookin' for the shoestore. Someone pointed me over here, but I feel like this whole area's residential-"

"Shoes?" Mom cried, throwing open the door. Jade jumped about a mile out of her skin and landed like a cat, swearing. Mom ignored her. "Did someone say shoes? Oh, Jade! Silvermoon! For heaven's sake, what are you doing standing out there? Come in, come in!"

"Hold up!" Jade tried to object, backpedaling, but she suddenly found herself inside the threshold of the house alongside Silvermoon . She grabbed reflexively for the other trainer's arm. Whether she was trying to shield herself or shield Silvermoon was unclear. "Jesus christ, did you know this was gonna happen?"

"Pie's in the oven!" sing-songed Mom, bustling by with a pair of giant oven mitts. "Make yourselves at home!"

Think. Not logic. Not real-life. Think like a game. Think like Pokemon.

Jade's eyes followed the normal-looking NPC with alarm and fascination, like watching a predator from a safe distance away. The way she opened the fridge and knew exactly where everything was without looking. The way she opened the cabinets and took out two matching glasses, setting them on the tablecloth in front of Jade and Silvermoon . The way the bow in the back of her apron was beginning to come undone, as if she'd been wearing it for a long time.

Cagily, Jade took a sip of the iced tea.

It was sweet, just the way she liked it. 

Nostalgia settled over her like a thin blanket, but it wasn't for her real mother or her childhood home. It was for days out with her friends, buying Sobe Green Tea drinks from the vending machines. It was for bus trips and long drives through the burning Southwest. It was for days when the world felt fresh and wild, and escaping the pressures of "home" with her own brand of personal freedom was the only way Jenny had of fighting back. 

"Ah, shit."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, setting down the glass. 

"Oh, Jade! It's all right. It's natural to have strong feelings after being away from home for so long," Mom said, coming around the table for a hug. 

"Ugh," was all the ninja managed to say, wiping her nose, as Mom embraced her. She tried to scowl at Silvermoon over the woman's shoulder, now fully disarmed by the encounter. She smells nice. Like bread, Jade thought, patting her awkwardly on the back. "Arright, arright. This is a lot."

"Maybe I should give you two some time alone to catch up," Mom said, straightening up. "I need to pop down to the basement for a moment anyway." She didn't seem offended. A few wisps of hair had fallen into her eyes and Jade found herself staring, marveling at how real she seemed. And how eerie. 

This was not her mother. 

So why did she feel so familiar?

Jade couldn't meet Silvermoon's eyes after Mom left. She just put her head down on the table with a thunk. "I don't know what's happening," she groaned. "This is some game bullshit, but it feels all..." Nice? Cathartic? Fulfilling? Impossible?

"...mushy."

"Like what, sneak out the back?!"

There was a thoughtful pause. Then the corner of her lips curled up.

"...Mm, all right. Let's go."

There was a screen door in the kitchen that probably led out to the backyard. The green-haired woman finished her tea and stood up, moving quickly over to it. "This looks like it goes outside. But looks squeaky, too." The spring on the back of the screen door was sure to make a loud sound. Jade wasn't sure she'd be able to resist if that sweet little lady came back too soon and caught them halfway out of the house. There was no way she could bolt out the front with bare feet on gravel. Hell, is this actually a trap?

The question Silvermoon had asked was still burrowing into her and she answered, absentminded. "Nah, my real mom isn't like... her. Real 'tiger' parent, if you know what I'm saying. Was hard on me growing up. You?"

Still, Jade seemed to be in a better mood as she stalked around the kitchen, looking for a window that looked easy to open. "I used to do this stuff all the time, back home." she said unexpectedly, prying at the window latch. It slid open easily, revealing a thick ledge. Bet she puts pies out here to cool, Jade thought, then looked over her shoulder. Her brows raised, mischievous.

"C'mere, I'll give you a boost."

Jade wanted to laugh at her partner-in-crime's reaction, but she was preoccupied with gauging the distance between the ledge and the ground. "Aw, you scared? I'll go first, then," she said, casting a mischievous look over her shoulder. "Keep an eye out, all right?"

...She was surprisingly enthusiastic about this.

Jade climbed clumsily out onto the ledge, making it more obvious than ever that her "ninja" aesthetic was only just that. "Ow!" she muttered, banging her knee on part of the siding as she slipped down onto the grass. "Watch out for that..."

It did not escape Jade that Silvermoon seemed to be more than a little bit nervous about, you know, escaping out the kitchen window. And hell, to be honest, so was Jenny. But that was the fun part.

Things mattered because people cared.

"You know, some people don't know what they want," Jade said suddenly, the top of her spiky green head reappearing in the window. "That's what I figure. It's why you can never do enough for them."

She rested her chin on the ledge, standing on her tiptoes to see inside. "People don't want perfect. They don't even want real. You ask me, we're all looking for the same thing in the end."

From below, she offered her hand.

"A way out."

Jade did her best to support Silvermoon's weight as they came down, propping them back up on their feet as they stumbled. Easy now, she thought. The adrenaline already had her heart rate up, and she tried not to think too much about suddenly having another body practically in her arms. A smoother, suaver Jade- maybe a real ninja, hell, she didn't know- could have spun Silvermoon around, dipped them halfway to the ground, and planted a spur-of-the-moment kiss on their avatar's lips.

But Jenny didn't trust herself to pull that fantasy shit off, even in a game-- and looking Silvermoon in the eye, something told her the other player had enough on their mind. Maybe about moms. Maybe about sneaking out. Either way, they were still laughing.

"I - We just climbed out a window."

Jade grinned wryly behind her mask.

"Sure did. You okay?"

Right on schedule, Mom's voice came distantly from inside. "I'm baaaack~! Oh, the pie's just finished too. How wonderful!"

"...Aw, hell. Under here, quick," Silvermoon may have only just gotten their feet under them, but Jade was already crouching down, using the window ledge itself for cover as she pressed herself back against the side of the house. A glance at her would show she was stifling laughter. "C'mon, hurry."

"Did they both go to the restroom? I didn't hear anyone go upstairs," Mom was wondering out loud. The smell of fresh-baked pastry wafted from the window and Jade found her mouth watering at the rich, buttery scent. "And they can't have gone outside, since I didn't hear the screen door close."

So she was listening.

"Medicham, did you see where they went?"

"Medicham? Aw, crap," Jade muttered, hoping they would go away again. If 'Mom' didn't leave the kitchen, they'd have to sneak all the way along the side of the house to get out of eyeshot.

Jade did a double-take when the other trainer's Torchic appeared. "Roger...?" she started hoarsely, then shook her head to clear it. Different Torchic, she realized, marveling at the similarity. Guess that means Silvermoon got asked all those strange questions too... About whether they liked puns, and how they would react to being crammed in a dark tiny room, and whether they'd classify themselves as a 'careful' person.

"So what'd you tell the Professor?" she asked in a low voice while Phoenix scuttled off to the front door and began to make a racket. "I got one too. Just comparing notes."

The internet had probably already gone to town on the personality quiz, but Jenny was A. too cool and B. too lazy to cheat. It hadn't really mattered to her which little Pokemon she'd gotten for a starter, long as it wasn't something that'd bite her fingers off by accident, and she guessed whatever data Ash had collected must have made that preference pretty clear.

"Oh, how did they get out front?" Mom asked from inside. "Medicham, can you come bring them in, please? My hands are full."

As Medicham went to investigate, opening the front door (evidently to see Phoenix out there instead of the two of them) Mom kept talking, bizarrely, to herself. "I wonder if they climbed out the window. That would be just like their father, that scamp. He always did have a phobia of doorways collapsing in on himself after the earthquake..."

"Let's go," Jade whispered, beckoning Silvermoon and beginning to creep along the house in the other direction, taking advantage of their Torchic's distraction. "Keep your head down."

"I think I still have his old hard hat somewhere... where did I put it again? I suppose it could be in the garage."

The garage. Jade saw it- and the door was open. A quick dash, and they could make it inside.

Looking at Silvermoon, she jerked her head at it meaningfully, and began to count down on her fingers. 3... 2... 1...

...All right. So it wasn't the best-thought-out plan.

Also, those questions sounded different to the ones Jade got. I woulda had a great answer to the deserted island. Definitely a fishing net. Or a knife? You could make a fishing net with enough time and resources, but the versatility of a knife would probably go further and be harder to craft yourself. Or maybe a flint and tinder, just to get that opening sequence of how-to-make fire out of the way? She always hated that part of Survivor—

The garage was dark as they crept in the open door. That musty, cold garage-smell was everywhere, stale in her nostrils. "Ah, shit, she's coming in here," the green-haired ninja muttered right before Mom opened the door and started taking things down from the storage bins. Was she seriously looking for Dad's old hard hat?

Silvermoon's light touch alerted her to something and Jade's whole body jerked, alert for danger. A hidden surveilance tape?! Medicham jump scare?!

Jade's eyes stretched wide as she saw what was lined up against the far wall. "Shoes!" she mouthed, stating the obvious. Far cry from the shoe store she'd been asking around for, but wasn't that damn perfect?

...Furthermore, when'd I get so goddamn excited about footwear?

The problem was she didn't have a plan. She guessed she could send out her Torchic to distract Mom, but wasn't that just copying Silvermoon? Maybe if she had a fishing rod, she could cast it over there, hook themselves two pairs of sweet knee-highs, and skedaddle back to Briarbane.

The easiest thing to do was just to wait for Mom to leave, but the cute little lady seemed caught up in reminiscing to herself now. They might be stuck crouching here for hours at this rate. What if Mom decided to clean out the whole garage while they were there?

<Medi-medi-cham...>

Mom looked up suddenly, her hands still on the blue-and-white quilt. "Medicham, did you find them?" There was a brief exchange between the two before the woman sighed. "Where could they have gone? Poor little Torchic, though. I'll get it some Pokemon food." Leaving the items on the table, she followed the Pokemon back inside.

The moment the screen door slammed shut, Jade was moving. She flew across the garage towards the Running Shoes like a cat pouncing on a mouse, seizing the knee-high sandals. "Ha! Knew I hadn't designed these in character creation for nothing. Thought it was weird I was barefoot when I spawned in." She attempted to pull them on, realizing the multitude of complex straps and buckles weren't really ideal for a speedrun. "God dammit..." Her fingers had never felt so clumsy.

As Jade struggled to put on her own damn shoes, she asked something suddenly, looking up at Silvermoon.

"You having fun?"