[ti]quest[/ti]One Giant Leap Backwards

REN did not have a schedule. Their deeply unhealthy lifestyle, chronic internet addiction, and multiple jobs that exacerbated said internet addiction ensured finding them awake and in sleep mode during the most inopportune times, though living with a dog and a Dobermann who thought she was a kangaroo did keep them somewhat human.

Nevertheless, it’s 5PM, and by some miracle they weren’t neckdeep in a nap—or rather they were, but they were doing a lot of manual labor in their dreams, so it definitely counts!

“Aaand… done!” They wiped oil off their metal forehead. “Behold!”

After doing their research, REN had gone to raid the Steppes. Not for freedom or the liberty of oppressed sentience, mind you, but for parts. Metal plates from the shattered cannons and the supermassive metal disc that once held humanity’s hope were repurposed and hot-glued together. Steaming car engines and anti-gravity plates from wrecked flying machines were thrown in. It was large. It was quadrupedal. It looked like a headless AT-AT Walker, if the Empire tried recuperating for mass layoffs in the engineering department with ventriloquists.

The project had taken the entire afternoon and an entire Fortnite dance routine in the CRAFT CRAFT EVOLUTION menu, but they had done it. And just in time! Farther past the dunes, they could see the Night Parade begin forming a conga line.

The problem now was the fact they couldn’t use their wonderful contraption. Limited time and scrap meant it was about as functional as a tandem bicycle—but it appeared they wouldn’t have to strap stilts on Pingu.

“Yooohoooo! Fellow parade enjoyer!” They waved their arms around until Torino came close enough to see their screen flash a big blinking heart. “Yes, yes, come closer! I have an important question for you.”

The screen flashed a bright question mark. “Are you a pedal princess or a passenger queen?”

They flapped their shiny hand. “If you don’t like either, that’s fine, just pick which one grosses you out less!”