[ti]private[/ti]I may have sinned. [s][c][offline]

He had to bite back a yawn as he reached for a random pastry from the basket and took a bite out of it. Damn it, he really couldn’t function without his early morning coffee, huh?

Once he’d had the first bite of bread and had taken a sip of his own espresso (like father like son after all) he would look up at last.

“Four hours sleep on a bus isn’t enough,” he would finally yawn, rubbing at his eyes for a few moments with the back of his palm.

“Plus it was on one of the bad seats too, and my seatmate snored to high heaven. Guess I know what I forgot to pack along for the trip.”

Another bite of the pastry down the hatch would give him enough time to think.

“Work’s been alright. I work ten to seven on the weekdays, however there are some nights when we have to stay for longer,” he would add.

The last question caught him completely off-guard.

“Huh? Why’d you ask that? Of course I am, it’s you I want to know if you’re happy being out here, away from the mockery back home.”

Because he knew as much as the next person, that here people who practiced the faith on this side of the world were allowed families; and yet back home in Italy, the topic was handled with… a certain kind of delicacy.

(Being celibate for one thing, serving the faith and all that, plus the Vatican City was literally nestled smack in the middle of Rome, so there was that too. Maybe times were changing already?)

like father like son with coffee Cardinal Glace

Due to the NDA clause in his line of work, he couldn’t say anything much outside of what he was allowed to say, so there was that. All of that aside, though…

He would snatch another pastry at random and dip one end of it in his coffee before taking a bite out of it.

“You know how shit is back home with the clergy,” he would continue as he waved his hand. “Antiquated with their ideas, and all that.”

(Maybe times hadn’t caught up completely yet, after all…)

He would let a few more minutes pass in silence as he attacked the pastry and snatched another piece as soon as he’d finished the previous one.

“The last time I ever went was back home. Haven’t had time to attend out here, it’s hard looking for a non-English service that’s not ridiculously early in the morning.”

kek Cardinal Glace

“Let me know when you can find one. The only ones I’ve managed to find at the times I’m normally up in the afternoon are in German and Greek over in the DC area, which is neither of the languages I know,” he added with a brief chuckle.

He was sure that his father knew he could speak a third language, but which one it exactly was—that was for him to find out himself.

The moment he asked if he had someone… well, that brought up a wound he thought he’d successfully buried.

(Buried when he was part of the pallbearers that took out that casket from the chapel and watched as. Watched as what he felt like a big piece of himself had been lowered into the ground.)

It would take some time before he would answer.

“Friends, yes… we go out for drinks every other Friday night or so, when we’re not busy,” he would carefully skate around the second question first. The first one, though…

Several minutes of silence would pass between them before he finally found his voice.

“…Dad. You know. You know how… how it’s been a few months since. Since the funeral,” he continued quietly as he quickly rubbed at the sides of his eyes.

SPOILER: Click to show

{no Laurence you are not going to. Too late. You cried.}

Damn it.

Had it really been that long since.

Had it really been that long since he lost Evan?

It still felt like it was yesterday, when he got that call while he was at work, and had to literally make a run for it across half the capital towards the hospital where his partner had been confined only to get word the moment he’d burst in that the other had passed.

Passed away, without ever seeing him one last time…

[tangent=“I still have dreams about him at night, you know. And not all of them are good.”]“Lo sogno ancora di notte, lo sai. E non tutti sono buoni.”[/tangent]

He would stare into the distance after those words, the silence hanging heavily between them.

[tangent=“If. If only I ran faster. I. I would’ve made it. I would’ve been able to tell him. All the words I wanted to say, everything that I wanted him to hear, despite the pain he was fighting. But I never got that chance.”]“Se. Se solo avessi corso più veloce. Io. Ce l'avrei fatta. Avrei potuto dirglielo. Tutte le parole che volevo dire, tutto quello che volevo che sentisse, nonostante il dolore che stava combattendo. Ma non ho mai avuto questa possibilità.”[/tangent]

The aftertaste of the coffee now felt rancid on his tongue.

[tangent=“I only got to tell him those words when he was in the casket, you know.”]“Ho potuto dirgli quelle parole solo quando era nella bara, sai.”[/tangent]

Now he had to rub both palms of his hands against his eyes; the better for him not to break down crying, in public, in front of where everyone could see—

[tangent=“I still think he hates me, you know. For… for not being there when he needed me the most.”]“Penso ancora che mi odi, sai. Per… per non esserci stato quando aveva più bisogno di me.”[/tangent]

it still hurts him so much. Cardinal Glace