PLAYER: Derek Smalls	CHARACTER: derk_thejerk
PRONOUNS: he/him AGE: 26 ORIENTATION: demisexual LOCATION: maine, usa OCCUPATION: amzn delivery boy	GENDER: <M> AGE: Adult ENABLE PKMN SPEECH? Yes / No PAIN THRESHOLD: Realistic / Reduced TRAINER CLASS: Kindler

OUT OF THE GAME It’s about an escape. When reality was not kind, he ran. As fast as possible toward anything and everything that would take him away from the world. Fight or flight? He’d spread his wings as quickly as possible and cry, ”Get me the fuck out of here!” Although he’s not sure himself when it all started, at just seven years old he was torn away from his twin. The one person in his life that just understood him. On a level nobody else ever had, nobody else cared to. A year later and a boy asked him a single question that would forever change his life, ”You wanna swing with me?” For ten years, nothing could separate them. Not family, not school, not bullies, not feelings. Not words or distance. Even as Derek was moved from his mother’s house to his father’s house during the divorce, whenever he would see this boy again it was like nothing had ever changed. Like a match brought to the smoke of a recently extinguished flame. But all good things must come to an end. That boy started to date girls. It hurt, but Derek didn’t show it. He was all smiles and happiness for this boy. He tried with all his might not to show that he cared and to that boy, he did not. The girl? That was the worst part, Derek enjoyed her company too. He loved them both in his own way, even if he didn’t know how to say so or how to show it. He was jealous and happy for them all at the same time. ”Is it because I’m a boy? Is it because we’re Catholic? Why wasn’t I good enough? What’s wrong with me?” All it took was a flat tire and Derek’s life began to spiral. Completely out of control. The boy made it, but that girl… she didn’t. And the boy? Devastated. Unsure of how to handle grief himself, he started to go in, and in, and in. Derek did the only thing he could think of. He helped the boy of his dreams leave. He stole from his step-father and mother, gave the boy a fresh start. Watched him drive away from it all, away from the pain. The worst part to Derek was, he wasn’t even asked if he wanted to go along. He told himself over and over again, ”It’s not about you, Derek.” But that didn’t stop the loneliness. That didn’t stop the pain of distance, the poison of longing. The one he saw as his twin flame, as his soulmate, gone in an instant. Vanished completely from his life and leaving behind only confusion, misery, longing, sadness, and loneliness. TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM, DRUG ABUSE, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE SPOILER: Click to show {Spoiler}Emotional pain, brought to life in physical pain. It started with scars covered by hoodies and long sleeves. It started with parties and feeling numb. It started with bad boyfriends and abusive friendships. It almost ended with an overdose. A few years later, more numbing agents, it almost ended again with pools of red leaking from pale scarred skin. Afraid for his life, he was admitted into a hospital until he was able to really connect with his emotions and face them. He loved a boy that would never love him back. He was told his whole life because of religion he was wrong for being who he was. He was drowning in trying to figure out who he was. It’s been a trail, a torturous journey. A road winding, with ups and downs. With failures and victories. He tells the world he’s sober, from the drink and the pills. He tells the world he hasn’t powdered his nose or shot fire through his veins. As far as everybody else knows, he hasn’t touched a sharp edge in so long. But it’s a lie, it’s always a lie—because he’s a coward.

INSIDE THE GAME The closest he can come to heaven. Derek is as much himself in the game as he is in real life. Truthfully, he feels more alive in the game than he does in his own life. Life is mundane, depressing, and annoying to him. But the game is a distraction from all of that. He’s the guy that wants to help. He’s friendly. Sometimes naive, or gullible. But boy can he hold a grudge. He’s the first to troll somebody who trolled him first. He’ll fiercely protect people that he has been loyally friends with and he’ll also be the first to forgive people because he, of all people, knows what it means to be human. Although he puts on a polite persona for all to see, beneath the layers of polite smiles and passive aggressive mom comments is his true nature: just as evil as everyone else. With judgements, grimaces, and groans. He’ll be the first to bitch out loud if somebody he doesn’t care for sends him a direct message and then also the first to reply to that direct message with a kind smile. It’ll quickly dwindle into the dreaded one-worded answers. It takes a lot for him to block somebody, because he believes in giving people at least fifteen second chances, and second chances to those fifteen second chances. A lot of the times, his empathy causes him to act in a very self-sacrificing way. He’s an impulse buyer and also an impulse friend maker. He’s anxious at all times and finds it very difficult to hide unless he’s able to sit and think about a reply for a very long time. Overall, a loyal friend with a big heart that feels big and too many issues in his own life to begin thinking he’s better than anybody else. Welcome your resident depressed doormat!

FACE CLAIMS Yu Yang from Here U Are Tighnari from Genshin Impact

OOC NAME Wizz / wizz#2224

STARTER PKMN Do you want to receive your starter in-character at the Starter Lab? YES, AND RANDOMIZE MY STARTER!