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Buzzster took a long slurp from his Surskit. "Oh yeah. That's the stuff," he said. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and put Surskit down. "Thanks Charlie."

Surskit danced away on thin legs. He'd just returned from being kidnapped (and not saved), and it was like nothing had ever changed.

"What does Chanda Mama represent?" Buzzster asked, digging up another shovel of coarse sand.

"The moon?"

"I said we're not doing the moon thing!" Buzzster said, and Petal wilted a little. "It's like a fairy, magic, sneaky little guy, right? A trickster, like me! So to figure out where it hid my name I've gotta think like me."

He added another shovel of sand to the growing pile.

Petal stood next to the pile, watching Buzzster dig down deeper and deeper into the sands. "And where would you hide a name?" Petal asked.

"The same place I'd hide a body. Seven feet underground in the middle of the desert!" He started digging faster, tossing sand over his shoulder haphazardly. "Which means that that it's right around here. Or my name-" his shovel hit something hard, and he looked up at Petal with a wild grin on his face. "Isn't Buzzster Hooperham."

"Cooking with inedible bullshit is always a bit difficult," Buzzster said, chewing his lip as he looked at the strange, fibrous and fabric-esque leek that he had to somehow make into a main course.

"It looks like it's made of cotton?" said Petal.

"Yeah...and it's a bloody vegetable too! Listen, I think I've got an idea. You grab the mixing bowl, a few eggs, heirloom onions, streaky bacon, and some of that 2% dragon milk, and I'll get to work on this."

"Okay!" Petal said enthusiastically, and she ran off into the pantry.

Buzzster licked the leek.

He made sure to taste every part of it, getting a feeling for the wealth of earthy and textile flavors that were present. It tasted fascinating. He could taste rough dirt and fragrant rains from where the leek was grown. There was an ashy aftertaste from the forge where the sword was crafted. He tasted the sweat of many hands and the blood of many more.

"Could use salt," he surmised. Knocking through the cupboards he quickly found a grinder of salt, a matching grinder for pepper, and a third-wheel grinder for lies.

Petal returned with all the ingredients balanced on her leaf. "I got it all!" she said.

"Wonderful! Now get the eggs, milk, and butter all mixed up, then toss in the bacon and onions. Cook it on medium heat and in a few minutes we'll have an omelette!"

"What about the leek?" Petal said.

"Huh? Nah I gotta save that for the cooking contest! Go on Petal I'm getting peckish! Cooking's hungry work."

Back on track, Buzzster set about with the rest of his complicated seasoning routine.

"People don't know this, but the secret to a perfect main course is all about the seasoning," Buzzster said. He was embracing his newfound Perfect Taste, and he could feel his mind and tongue expanding, unlocking new heights of culinary majesty.

"That rainy taste is great, but we need to keep it moving or else it'll get stagnant." He rifled through the utensil drawers and pulled out a map of the Colorado river, which he wrapped the leek in. "Perfect!"

"New we need a dash of something sweet and strong to offset the bitter iron. Honey? No. Molasses! And that ash would go really well with a proper charcoal grill."

Petal grilled nearby, cooking the omelette while she watched Buzzster work. She admired him, and absorbed every word like her mind was a knowledge-hungry vacuum cleaner and Buzzster's advice was a swarm of small and highly-intellectual wasps.

"What was that powder?" she asked, squinting at the freshly-ground lies that Buzzster was now massaging into the leek. The grains smelled like Christmas, bedtimes, and travel insurance.

Buzzster licked some of the lies off his finger. "I think it's just MSG."

Once the massaging was done, he laid the chunky middle section on a cutting board and sliced it into thick rounds. When he was done he had a tray full of perfect little tassel medallions.

"It's done!" Petal said, using her vines to present Buzzster with the fresh omelette.

"Oh awesome! Thanks! Just put it in my mouth," he said, "my hands are all greasy." Buzzster's arms were slick with vegetable oil. He was straddling an anvil, slathering the whole thing down with enough lubricant to turn the Grand Canyon into a slip-n-slide.

Petal tried to cram the whole omelette into Buzzster's open mouth. Bits of bacon and onion fell from his mouth like breakfast rain as he hastily chewed the eggy treat.

Once the anvil was lubed, he went over to a cabinet labelled DANGEROUS INGREDIENTS and retrieved a bucket of what looked like searing lava. "You know, it's only the young insects who are called lava," Buzzster said, as he poured a thin trickle of the flaming liquid onto the anvil. It sunk into the metal, heating it instantly to a brilliant white heat. "Once they pupate they grows wings and becomes magma!"

He placed the first leek medallions down on the anvil. It hissed and smoked and filled the air with the sounds of fighting. "This isn't that though. This time I used the Heat of Battle, for that authentic flavor."

Buzzster left Petal in charge of the anvil grill, and he went to find a loom. He dragged it out into the kitchen area.

"Buzzster! Help! The leeks are coming apart!" Petal yelled, as she desperately tried to turn them over with a pair of tongs.

"All according to plan!" Buzzster called back. He ran over and scooped up the medium-rare leek segments, which were unraveling in the heat of battle. It wasn't uncommon for even a seasoned fighter to come apart in such a situation. Buzzster used a pair of forks to split them apart into long, luxurious strands, and he set to looming.

A few minutes before time ran out, Buzzster was finished plating. He gleefully brought his own dish over to Morpheus and Bergamot Gristleborg, placing it beside their Appetizer and Dessert. "Petal and I started out with a piece of the blade tassel. It looked just like a big old leek," Buzzster explained, when it was his turn to describe his dish. "So we seasoned it to perfection, chopped it up into little portions, cooked it until it broke down into little threads, then we wove those threads back together into...." he whipped the cover off his dish, dramatically revealing a large, pristine, 8ft long tapestry that depicted Chanda Mama eating a beautiful leek-based meal and then awarding them a perfect score.

"Ta-da!" said Petal.

"It's semi-autobiographical," said Buzzster.

CHARACTER: Buzzster Hooperham
SUBCLASSES: Gardener T5
POKEMON:

• 1. Chikorita - Tank -
• 2. Vulpix - Unequipped -
• 3. Kartana - Unequipped -

ENTRANCE: Harbor Entrance
^{✔️ I have read the Raid Rules and agree to conduct myself appropriately during this World Event, both on Discord and in-character.}

Kartana batted Shroomish away and advanced on Zac. gleaming blade arms held wide.

Now defenseless, Buzzster backed up, hands held open-palmed towards Kartana in defensive post. "Now listen," he said, stepping over chunks of metal and spilled nails. "We've had some good times together, haven't we?"

Zac tried to pull up the memories of his times with Kartana. There were exactly two instances they had interacted: the blink-and-you'll-miss-it instant where he accidentally caught the Ultra Beast in Ostellia, and this moment in the barn. He frowned. "Well, I guess not. That's my mistake, I must have been thinking of another guy."

Zartana advanced faster.

"But wait!" he said, putting on his most winning smile. "That just means there's more chance for us to grow close! Maybe even to develop a bond powerful enough to conquer this upcoming Poke-lympics!"

Zac backed up further, reaching into his pocket before Kartana could violently refuse his offer of friendship. "Listen, I know we're had our share of quarrels," Buzzster tried to think of specific moments, and his mind provided the exact same two situations. "Like right now! But honestly, I have something that I think will change your mind."

Zac pulled out his wallet. "See this?" He chuckled. "Let's just say this baby is full of all kinds of special little treats for my friends. Including my old pal Alexander." He gave Kartana a wink, before tripping on spilled paint and tossing his wallet halfway across the barn. "Ahh!" he yelled, though by some extraordinary stroke of luck his wallet had caught Kartana's attention.

The Ultra Beast flew across the barn and inspected the fallen wallet.

"PETAL! NOW!" Buzzster yelled.

Petal bit through the last strands of rope that held the barrel up in the rafters. The rope snapped, and the massive barrel of dry cow feed plummeted to the ground with gravitational force. It smacked Kartana out of the air before hitting the ground in an explosive shower of grain and wooden chunks.

Zac laughed, coughed as the air filled with barley dust, and then laughed again. Buzzster nodded slowly as he looked at the barn floor now covered in paint, broken farm equipment, nails, and now a slowly collapsing pile of homicidal grain. "Well Petal, it's about time we hit the road."

"What! But what about Kartana! You should return it! And I thought you bonded with the Shroomish!"

"Oh! Well, sure. I guess we could take him along." Buzzster returned his bladed frenemy and caught the frowning Shroomish. "Nice! You know where we've gotta go now?" he asked Petal.

She looked at his sliced and battered body. "To the...to the Poke Center?"

"For what?"

"...healing?"

Zac tossed the idea around in his head like a Shroomish. "You know what Petal? You're right. Let's go get some healing." He picked up Petal, put her on his shoulder, and the pair immediately got lost in the deep woods.

Shroomish was no liberal. He was up here with Zac in the hay pile, and the two came face to face in a moment of shared shock. Buzzster was the first to recover. "Sorry to muscle in on your sunning spot, Mr. Perlman."

Shroomish frowned.

"Now I don't wanna impose, and by the way I loved you in Hellboy, but I need a bit of help. Waddaya say?"

Shroomish frowned.

"Okay, I get it, but trust me what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and take a gander at the bloody goose that's trying to cook me," Zac said, as he reached out to grip the Shroomish with one hand.

Zac shrugged off the hay like a bear shedding a coat of snow, and he pointed the handheld Shroomish down at their shared attacker. "See that guy?"

Shroomish wriggled in Zac's grip.

"Me too buddy, but we're bound by blood at this point. Get 'em Hellboy!" Buzzster yelled, and he squeezed Shroomish with both hands, sending out a spray of poison spores.

The poison attack had no visible effect on Kartana, who was a steel type and thus completely immune.

"Oh yeah? Well try this?" Zac said, as he adjusted his grip and squeezed Shroomish again, this time firing a stun spore.

This time Kartana's grass typing protected it, and the spores were gently shed from its body like water off a well-oiled duck.

"Or this!"

Leech Seed tangled Kartana, only to be instantly shed, since grass types are immune to Leech Seed.

"Wait a sec," Buzzster said, stowing Shroomish under one arm so that he could use both hands to tap at his UI menu. He navigated slowly into settings and turned 'Battle Mode' off 'Realistic' , past 'Standard', and all the way up to 'Cinematic'. "There we go, that should make things much easier."

As Zac exited the menu Kartana was waiting in melee range. Buzzster leaped backwards with fright, avoiding the incoming attack like a grasshopper jumping away from an oncoming lawnmower. "Bloody sneaking up on me!" he shouted. "Shame on you!"

With the UI changes, Buzzster's previous attacks started to take effect. Kartana was slowed to a crawl as paralyzing spores and draining seedlings took root. Sickly purple poison numbers started to tick up as the toxins wore away at Kartana's health.

Zac grinned as the tides of battle shifted in his favor, revealing the dry bay of success before that's always visible right before the tsunami of profit. "Ready Hellboy? It's time to send this guy back to Staples."

Shroomish frowned.

The Autumn air in the hayloft was filled with a sense of deep calm. A beam of beckoning sunlight warmed a luxurious patch of hay, above which floated lone motes of dust. Each speck drifted in serene isolation, like angels caught in the gaze of God.

The peace was slightly marred by Zac's screaming.

"GRAND JURY!" he shouted, kicking out at the assaulting blade-beast and forcing himself up the last few rungs through sheer will and driving pain. He was repeating himself now, as if say the 5th amendment three times could banish the Ultra Beast like some sort of constitutional Bloody Mary.

"Except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia!" he said triumphantly as he reached the top. With a laugh and far too little foresight, Buzzster started hurling farm equipment down at the Ultra Beast. He shoved or threw pitchforks, a wheelbarrow, half-used paint cans, bags of rusty nails, lengths of chain, and a whole hay bale down at the creature in an attempt to slow its assault.

Kartana parried, de-wheeled, avoided, sliced open, unlinked, and bisected them in turn, letting the resulting debris crash to the floor in a tetanus-tastic mess for those present that had feet (Zac and Petal).

Petal was still looking for an opening to start a conga, but with the floor covered in sharp metal and paint, and Zac hiding up in the loft, her chances were becoming few and far between. Tears started to well in her eyes but she pushed through and went to find a broom.

The metal creature floated up towards Zac, its movement full of malice.

"You bastard! Stay down there and fight me like a liberal!" Zac yelled, before hiding in the warm hay pile.