The moment the pop-up slapped open the word ‘Danger’ it was all over, quite frankly.

Kazuki opens his eyes, finds his hand free of the neat little feather and immediately deafened by the sound of the announcement and the adrenaline-inducing soundtrack. “Quail?!” He squawks, before the grid comes crashing into his sight.

The selection is… well, sparse. He skims as the harsh drums rattle his ears, not really understanding how any of these tiny birds could entail adventure, danger, or boon. Burden, maybe. Fainting bird hearts.

“Fuck it,” he closes his eyes—eenie-meenie-miney-mo—and when he opens them, sees his finger slapped down on the left, at the center row. FLETCHLING lights up and vanishes.

He hears a myriad of cheeps behind him. In the shadow of the towering man, five tiny lil’ red birds are tripping over each other, trying to find the highest vantage point—which in this case would be his ankles. He moves a foot and narrowly quashes one.

”Oh, you are all so—cooked.” Kazuki grimaces.

The Fletchling squad cheep in unison, like a barbershop quintuplet, or a funeral choir.

Kazuki has selected FLETCHLING

CYCLE 1: QUAIL BE QUICK

Quails selected, choral music still crashing in your ears, your vision fades to black for a moment as the other quest victims are locking in their decisions. While you wait, you're given a loading screen.

LOADING...

All quails go to heaven (:

It's taking a long time to load. What exactly is UNOVR rendering?

Your vision clears, revealing an entirely new landscape you've never seen before. Rolling green hills, a medieval village under siege, a castle with a sparkling moat— perhaps just a generic backdrop to set the scene, but judging from the map marker blinking in the middle of that city, you're about to get right up in the thick of it!

Other players spawn in around you as the dungeon finishes loading, accompanied by their own bouncing quail coveys.

Boing! Boing! Boing!

"Peep! Peep! Peep!"

A roar comes from behind you— but it's no monster. It's a vast army. It's hard to tell with your human eyes, but sharp-eyed quails may be able to identify them as goblins, orcs, slendermen, and other definitely not-misunderstood monsters seeking destruction upon mankind. They pour down the slope of the mountain like the Huns from Mulan, gunning straight for your quails!

Fortunately, it looks like you have time before they catch up. Get running!

INSTRUCTIONS

This thread will utilize UNOVR's Global Chat function to communicate with one another from different locations.

Choose a path to take: [tangent=The sound of steel being sharpened can be heard from all the way up the road, but it looks like nobody's manning this roadside shop. Where could Wiley be? More importantly, where does he source his wings?]WILEY'S WING STOP[/tangent], [tangent=Like Death Valley, but double. Double the heat. Double the desert. Double the valley, too— halfway across is another, even more treacherous valley, like those dog bowls that have a lot of ridges to stop them from choking on their food.]DOUBLE-DEATH VALLEY[/tangent], or [tangent=There's a narrow (VERY narrow— think balance beam) ledge leading safely (safely?) across this massive fissure. Gusts of cold wind periodically come from below, threatening your balance. If you fall, they say you'll never reach the bottom.]CHASM OF INFINITE DOOM[/tangent]. There is only one correct (non-lethal) path. If at least one player selects the correct path each cycle, all players may progress.

Players who do not post this cycle will be overrun by the Armies of Darkness, automatically consuming one (1) quail. But don't worry! You have four to spare.

Lord Darien Blackthorne Kazuki Taylor Kath Ulu Sarah Lee

After a Windows Update worth of loading, Kazuki opens his eyes to see an entirely new kingdom. It’s gorgeous. It’s ridiculous that he’s only just found it now—is it not part of Asper?

But a handful of other people appear around him, the area being quickly filled with a symphony of peepeepeepeep. It’s a victory roar rivaled only by the sound of war quickly stampeding the idyllic landscape, heading their way.

On any other situation, he’d be relishing this, but in this situation he’s a half-naked vandalism project flanked by five cheesepuffs.

They turn tail and quail.

Further down the opposite road, there’s already a fork leading to three locations. There’s a valley consisting of every circle of Hell you can name mixed in a bowl, and a tightrope challenge across the world’s largest, bottomless vent. And then there’s takeout.

His eyes slowly squint, glancing over his shoulder to the oncoming army and the paths. “… Eh.” They’re kind of fucked either way. He’s not bailing, but since the lifespan of this team is in the single digits, there’s no harm in spending some quaility time with them.

“Who wants food?” He asks, looking down.

The barbershop quintuplet sing in unison, and perfect harmony. <MEeeeEEEeeeee~>

They head off to Wiley’s Wing Stop in a single file line.

The loading screen had Taylor frowning and gathering up her little followers. "Oh, hell no, you leave the littles alone, game!" As she gathered the miniature charges into her arms - a couple choosing to instead settle on her shoulders and one in her hair - she ignored the ridiculousness of how quickly she was launching into momma bear mode over the fluffy bundles of code. "I may have only known these chicks for a few minutes but I love them and I will die for them!" The irony of it was, she wasn’t entirely joking. Her heart would be broken if any of these babies "went to heaven".

The loading screen stucks around for quite a while, so there was plenty of time to glare menacingly into the void. This was made difficult by the adorable "peep!"ing of the little hitchhikers, and she eventually got distracted, gently petting the tops of tiny, wide-eyed heads and cooing softly.

She was so distracted in fact that when the dungeon did load in, it made her jump. Scrambling to make sure none of the Wattrel fall, she stared around with wide eyes. "Oh boy…" she breathed, stomach dropping like a stone as she glanced back down at the tiny flock. "This could get dicey… You guys stick right to me, got it?" A chorus of chirps sounded in what she really hoped was agreement.

That settled, she glanced around at the other players, surprised to find that she recognised one of them. She was just about to call out a greeting when an almighty roar shook the scene, and wide eyes turned to look behind them. "Well, shit…" she remarked, taking in the sheer size of the approaching army. This was the very definition of a "you can’t fight this; run the fuck away," message from the devs if she’d ever seen one.

Turning back, she grimaced to see the options for the ways forward, and sighed upon seeing which one Kazuki was heading for. Since he seemed to be alone in that decision, she hastened to catch up, reaching the man and his Fletchling entourage just as he was entering the store.

"Yo, Kazuki ," She greeted. "I’m not sure this is such a good idea-" She paused, eyeing the door. "Although in fairness, I guess it would get us off the street…" Sure, a "wing stop" joint had some obviously ominous connotations for a player looking to protect their tiny avian charges, but perhaps it was a bluff. All three options had equally suspicious names, after all. And it would get them out of the way of the charging hoard… Perhaps the army would simply rush on past, not even checking inside? Maybe?

CYCLE 2: QUAIL BE QUAREFUL

YOU ARE DEAD.

But not for long!

"RISE, TRAINER!" thunders the booming masculine voice, shocking you out of any post-death stupor you might have found yourself in. The world, which had grayed to black, seems to be regaining color. "YOUR CHARGE REMAINS! DUTY CALLS! THE QUEST AWAITS!"

Your vision clears, presenting you with the same scene you started with. The fantasy landscape with its blinking map marker, the other players spawning back in around you. Notably, Lord Darien Blackthorne and Kath Ulu are not here. It seems they survived the first quave.

You also seem to be one quail down. Only four bright-eyed little peepers are bouncing behind you— they don't seem to notice that one of their number has disappeared. Try not to think too hard about where it might have gone (you'll only get sad if you do...)

Boing! Boing! Boing!

"Peep! Peep! Peep!"

A roar comes from behind you— it's the unquestionably evil Armies of Darkness, pouring down the slope of the mountain like the wildebeest stampede from The Lion King! They seem closer than last time.

Time to play catchup!

INSTRUCTIONS

Once you safely cross the CHASM OF INFINITE DOOM and catch up with Lord Darien Blackthorne and Kath Ulu, you reach another crossroads!

Choose a path to take: [tangent=Surrounded by sleeping infants who suckle upon its milky waters, this fountain is located obtrusively in the middle of the canyon in a miniature oasis. Don't wake the babies!]FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH[/tangent], [tangent=This kaleidoscopic dragon shines like a disco ball, its body taking up most of the tunnel passage. It seems to be asleep— you could try walking on its strobing body to the other side.]CHAOS DRAGON'S LAIR[/tangent], or [tangent=This stretch of flat ground may appear safe at first, but is actually studded with erupting blasts of scalding-hot water. It's also studded with active land mines! Step lightly...]GEYSER MINEFIELD[/tangent]. There is only one correct (non-lethal) path. If at least one player selects the correct path each cycle, all players may progress.

Players who do not post this cycle will be overrun by the Armies of Darkness, automatically consuming one (1) quail. But don't worry! You have at least three to spare.