REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class: 
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Feb 16, 2024 9:15:34 GMT 9
Now, do not misunderstand: if REN was capable of making Molotovs out of Jamba Juice, then they could absolutely load up the walkway with homemade landmines crafted from garbage.
But they were absolutely talking out of their ass when they called out landmines, and by gods did it pay off.
Hekate’s unceremonious face-splat and screaming successfully nabbed the attention of the beasts crowding the office building. And the first to approach was the lumbering, fuck-off Jacked Daniels son of a cockroach called Buzzswole.
“You are the unluckiest bitch out here!” REN cackled, “And I love it!”
The pipe bomb went careening in the air, smacking against the giant bug and exploding. A crafted item from a player who didn’t have Player unlocked would be lucky to have the damage output of a BB gun, but REN was not aiming to DPS. They were aiming for SPD.
“COME TO PAPA!” With a yodeling scream of their own, REN launched themself off an improvised ramp made from an upturned Soda Pop billboard, sproinging in the air and splatting on the Buzzswole’s bicep.
The Buzzswole, naturally, did not take kindly to being made public transportation.
“Oof, okay, might’ve—! Might’ve needed some more calculations!” REN hissed, grabbing on for dear life.
“Goth girl, to the entrance! Haul that ass to the entrance!” They were trying to grab the Buzzswole by the antennae like some kind of unholy steed all while avoiding getting literally impaled by the stinger on its face. The other Ultra Beasts, hearing the commotion, were already making their way over in a shuffling mass of wires and murderous origami.
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Feb 14, 2024 21:58:04 GMT 9
Oh, this was going to be sick.
Compared to Ostellia, Asper looked like a speck of civilization in bumfuck nowhere, where the most intriguing activities were scratching your ass and taking hits off moonshine. REN was living it up; they threw themselves off Zapdos Airlines without a parachute, promptly died smacking into a dilapidated ice cream truck like a mosquito, revived at the new shrine, and was now back at their point of death, giggling gleefully as they slammed their foot against the ice cream truck and sent it careening into the abyss below, likely to quash someone unfortunate enough to invoke the wrath of flying ice cream trucks.
Property damage was all well and good, but that got old quick. They whistled casually, footsteps echoing against the corroded metal girders acting as the Nexus walkways. Gusts of air blew from the yawning abyss all around, and REN didn’t feel jack shit. Their avatar was a robot, metal from head to—ankle. Right, they still hadn’t done the shoes quest. Well, shit, no wonder kicking that thing gave them cold feet.
The next shiny thing to grace their presence came into view. A massive office building sat in the center of chaos, invasive species swarming it like middle-aged mothers on a Black Friday sale. Strangely though, they didn’t appear to be destroying it.
“Oho, now what’ve we got here?” REN purred, watching the spectacle. If the beasts were clawing for something in there, then it must be something valuable, and nothing warrants crimes more than precious loot.
They’re in the middle of fashioning a pipe bomb out of a soda can and moss when the QUEST ALERT caught their attention. Another player had drawn close enough to activate a quest.
“Ah shit!” They poked out from their hiding spot, pipe bomb in hand as they waved their arms maniacally. “Goth girl, what are you doing!”
They pointed the pipe bomb on the walkway. “There’s landmines on that thing! Get running!” Preferably towards the danger zone, but if Hekate made enough noise, maybe that would distract the beasts long enough for REN to scooch in.
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Feb 14, 2024 21:54:08 GMT 9
REN did not have a schedule. Their deeply unhealthy lifestyle, chronic internet addiction, and multiple jobs that exacerbated said internet addiction ensured finding them awake and in sleep mode during the most inopportune times, though living with a dog and a Dobermann who thought she was a kangaroo did keep them somewhat human.
Nevertheless, it’s 5PM, and by some miracle they weren’t neckdeep in a nap—or rather they were, but they were doing a lot of manual labor in their dreams, so it definitely counts!
“Aaand… done!” They wiped oil off their metal forehead. “Behold!”
After doing their research, REN had gone to raid the Steppes. Not for freedom or the liberty of oppressed sentience, mind you, but for parts. Metal plates from the shattered cannons and the supermassive metal disc that once held humanity’s hope were repurposed and hot-glued together. Steaming car engines and anti-gravity plates from wrecked flying machines were thrown in. It was large. It was quadrupedal. It looked like a headless AT-AT Walker, if the Empire tried recuperating for mass layoffs in the engineering department with ventriloquists.
The project had taken the entire afternoon and an entire Fortnite dance routine in the CRAFT CRAFT EVOLUTION menu, but they had done it. And just in time! Farther past the dunes, they could see the Night Parade begin forming a conga line.
The problem now was the fact they couldn’t use their wonderful contraption. Limited time and scrap meant it was about as functional as a tandem bicycle—but it appeared they wouldn’t have to strap stilts on Pingu.
“Yooohoooo! Fellow parade enjoyer!” They waved their arms around until Torino came close enough to see their screen flash a big blinking heart. “Yes, yes, come closer! I have an important question for you.”
The screen flashed a bright question mark. “Are you a pedal princess or a passenger queen?”
They flapped their shiny hand. “If you don’t like either, that’s fine, just pick which one grosses you out less!” |
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Jan 31, 2024 4:37:13 GMT 9
CURRENT BYTES: 1,735 DATE OF CHARACTER APP: OCT 30, 2023 CLAIMING TYPE MOD: Secondary,  EQUIP TO?: Piplup |
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Jan 31, 2024 4:28:59 GMT 9
Ugh, in all honesty, REN would’ve preferred if Kazuki just went cringe. More cringe. UNOVR was great because it made their job easier. If their hunch was correct, this was going to be even more of a pain in the ass than ever.
“Just rip out the band-aid as soon as possible. Find someplace quiet, let them all out and let them decide if they want to stay.” They shrugged. “If you’re so worried, you can give yourself some time training them, evolve them, get your bonds up—but don’t dawdle too long. If a month has passed and you’re still sitting on your fucking hands, then accept life as a controlling asshat and move on. You’re never going to do it at that point.”
Kazuki grimaced. “That’s seriously all you can tell me?”
REN’s screen flashed an FU, and they added the finger just for good measure. “I’m not a miracle worker, Kaz! No amount of hype and pep talk I can give will fix—” they gestured at him up and down, with the middle finger “—that. So you’ll take what I can give you.”
They tapped through their inventory, the trade request finally pulling through.
“The SUNSTEEL STRIKE?”
“Never say I don’t do anything for you,” REN said, their screen flashing a winking emoji. “And if you ever do change your mind—you better tell me how the Ironmon run goes.”
TRADING REN'S SUNSTEEL STRIKE FOR Kazuki'S MECHA SEAL |
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Jan 31, 2024 1:28:21 GMT 9
One rambling retelling of the entire story quest later, Kazuki finally stopped, standing impatiently in front of REN, who had taken to reclining on a bale of hay as if it were a chaise lounge, tossing the MECHA SEAL like a coin.
“I see, I see… Okay so, what’s the problem here?”
“What do you mean, what’s the problem? I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.”
The screen on REN’s head flashed LOL. “You’re supposed to do whatever you want!” The screen flashed DUH as they shrugged. “And you clearly don’t want to join this faction and lose all your Pokémon.”
“So I’m supposed to just keep them like this? Like fucking hostages?”
Sometimes, REN really wanted to beat this guy’s ass, but only like, once per day. They didn’t have anger issues they refused therapy for, unlike some people. “Hoe, I don’t know what you want me to say.” They raised their hand and began counting on their golden fingers. “One, I don’t know your Pokémon like you do. Two, what I do know is that you’ve got a shit attitude that would’ve bled into shit training methods. And three, it’s. A fucking. Videogame!” Golden jazz hands.
They hopped off their hay throne and clapped him on the shoulder (having to reach because of course the motherfucker was still tall; they really needed to unlock some class flavors ASAP). “I get that losing a PC’s worth of ‘mon would suck, but you’ll be fine! I’ve seen tons of folks purposefully lose all their Pokémon and do Player-only runs. It's called the Ironmon Challenge. Those maniacs can rebuild their roster in less than a day.”
Despite this advice from a VR veteran, Kazuki scowled. He pulled his shoulder from them. “I’m not doing that. That’s not what I’m playing for.”
REN sighed, and the sound was like a car’s choking exhaust pipe. “Then what?” |
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Dec 2, 2023 9:18:18 GMT 9
The next caller buzzed onto the line, their voice far more distorted than the previous callers. Like if you threw a .mp3 file into a jpeg cruncher, embedded it into a CD, and then shoved that CD into a tape deck. Additionally, the .mp3 file only contained screaming.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HOLY 🐙🐙🐙🐙! I’M BEING MAULED BY TENTA-HORRORS BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION! KALEXA, PLAY STAYIN’ ALIVE BY THE BEE GEES!!
There’s a crash, the sound of waves—and something like a toilet flushing. All that came through for a moment was incomprehensible blurbling, bubbles popping, and waves—until the caller seemed to break through the surface, spitting out water. A piplup nooted for vengeance somewhere off to the side. The robotic voice coughed before hissing into the mic.
I’m being so forreal right now. Play it, boy. I know where you live.
Another string of words that sounded like Pingu, kill it with fire! before the line was cut with a loud, grating BZZZZZT.
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Dec 2, 2023 9:13:45 GMT 9
@kallisto
pussy is a gift unto mankind pussy should be worshipped if u wanna plama balls that badly no fuck u u better not use that ur american, use ur goddamn autocorrect and yea boi, im bothering U 🤞 u know u love my principles riiight after i finish this match brb
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Nov 15, 2023 3:35:55 GMT 9
There was something truly freeing, starting from scratch — mostly because it meant they weren’t being hunted for sport. REN simply strolled into the Challenge Towers, receiving no snipers, no random PK attempts, and no insta-kicks.
Plus, their hunch was correct, and the NA players had no fucking clue what they were doing. Like watching a room of first graders learn a Fornite dance — it was slow, cringey, and violent. On their home server, towers rarely lasted, with guilds and groups coordinating at frightening efficiencies to basically curb stomp the final level armed with nothing but dunsparce, underwear armor, and spreadsheets.
Here, people splintered off to chase Jigglypuffs, sending them flying in homeruns or a hundred miles off the gate, lobbing fish at Voltorb and not-so-subtly trying to kill each other. Balls were flying everywhere instead of stacked like Connect Fours.
“Good shit,” REN cackled, words crackling through their digital voice box. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
They snapped their mechanical fingers, pointing to the exploding volleyball tourney. “Pingu, babes! Nyootralize ‘em!” Their new bestie and current sole ride-or-die, Pingu the Piplup, slammed onto center-stage complete with his own Smash Bros. title card. Pingu did not possess the means of neutralizing anything except baby powder at this point, but that would not stop a piplup from doling out an execution.
He spat a large volley of WATER GUN at the field, right as a Voltorb collides and detonates, electric sparks catching the puddles and serving up deep-fried pork.
“REN!” The scream of fury ripped through the ruined field, as REN laughed and plucked beautiful Pingu off the ground before escaping death by skedaddling to the next ball game.
PIPLUP USED WATER GUN! NEXT PROMPT (#20): [Tower]HppTxTPF1-50 1-50 |
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Nov 7, 2023 2:06:23 GMT 9
SLLLLUURRPRPRPRP as Ren continued sipping their drink, unconcerned and untouched by the state of social collapse around them. Satisfied with their drink and whatever it is that just went on in their head, they popped the straw away.
“You two nearly killed each other at the airport,” Ren pointed out cheerily. “But yeah, it’s chill. Dude’s used to getting off on the wrong foot.”
They glance over to their hotel room for a moment, shrugging, before turning back to Tarou. “Mind if I come hang out? I brought my Switch and I gotta destroy Bria at Mario Kart.” They beamed. “For friendship!” |
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Nov 7, 2023 1:43:03 GMT 9
@kallisto
i play everything kal, ur mom included real shit ive been playing since launch but on diff servers, just havent made an acc on the us one because i have principles anyway spell out the pass for me champ i gotta make sure ur using the right P word cats meow aint for that kind of pussy ok?
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Nov 6, 2023 11:39:56 GMT 9
@kallisto
if by playing u mean ripping people a third asshole and getting called every slur in urban dictionary the answer is absofuckinglutely babe also congrats on getting ur first unhinged love note king i knew all those years of edgar allan poe thirst traps would pay off for u one day i will take u under my wing boy. i swear upon all that is holy we will not stop until u can tap that pre-programmed milf ass the first step: learning english i know the years of twitch exposure have fucked up ur brain beyond saving but try and spell the plural form of anomaly for me
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Nov 1, 2023 22:47:56 GMT 9
Once Atsushi had gotten his, Ren was quick to slap down their ID and ticket. There was an abundance of incredible legacy loot on offer, but they already had their eyes (behind the C0D1E cosplay helmet) set on one prize.
“I’ll take the Precipice one, Betty Booth! Let’s get something good!” They then pressed their hands together to pray to RNGesus as Atsushi rolled his eyes beside them.
defeated C0D13_2
Precipice loot crate |
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Oct 31, 2023 23:43:35 GMT 9
“Hey, think you could pick up a Cryo-chamber?”
Atsushi looked up to stare at them as if they were dumb as shit— which was ridiculous, of course, because he was the one who thought wearing a Moltres costume would get him closer to his online crush.
“Fuck no? This isn’t a video game.”
Ren snorted, leaning their elbows on his head. They were riding his shoulders now, because using your legs is an L. “Then your gains ain’t shit, boy! We could be landing crits right now.” They pointed to orioncayge and the Great Wall of Bulking Bandanettes. “See that? If we could get all those screamers in line, I bet we could chuck Hydance's pod at the duck. Johnny Crash us some loot.”
“I am not paying off your property damage again, you little shit. Just get your points and bounce.”
“I could bounce a quarter off this balding head of yours,” Ren sneered from behind their mask, ignoring Atsushi’s immediate squawk of protest in order to whip out their jailbroken fully-modded Goldfish Le Billion 5GS Luxor Deluxe Cobra phone and press the attack button at 400APM.
{Damage Roll}92w7GKa02d100
+10 (Mention a Cryo-Pod Name)
+10 (Interact with Previous Post)
Damage Dealt: 109
Attack type used:
C0D13_2 new type:2-19
C0D13_2 HP: -35/5,000 2d100·2-19 |
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REN
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Weekend Warrior
Player Character
Posts: 26
Trainer Class:
Player Name: Ren Kaneko
OOC Username: Sleepy
Arena Points: 20
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Post by REN on Oct 30, 2023 4:57:35 GMT 9
PLAYER: Ren Kaneko | CHARACTER: REN |  |  | PRONOUNS: They/He/She/It/Whatever
AGE: 22
ORIENTATION: Oh you wish
LOCATION: Hokkaidō, Japan
OCCUPATION: Hacker, Influencer, Streamer, Social Media Manager etc. | GENDER: N/A
AGE: Adult
ENABLE PKMN SPEECH? Yes
PAIN THRESHOLD: Realistic
TRAINER CLASS: Swimmer |
OUT OF
THE
GAMEAnd on the seventh day after the creation of the web, the internet gods saw all they had done, saw it was good, and rested.
Ren is what crawled in while the firewalls were down.
If terminally online is a disease, Ren is a plague-bringer. Humans have only adopted the internet; Ren was born in it, molded by it — the sound of dial-up was their baby Beethoven track. Not only were they an iPad kid, they were an iPod Nano baby. When Baby Ren learned to hack themselves an infinite supply of Neopoints and Club Penguin Coin, the grind began and never stopped.
So it comes as no surprise that in the digital surveillance hellscape, they are thriving. And sure, there have been some hiccups — Ren is not their name and they weren’t born in Japan, and you will never find proof of either of these — but they are god’s favorite bastard and have landed beautifully on their feet every time, and are now living quite literally rent-free in their roided meathead celebrity friend’s luxury apartment while making wads off shitposts and being stupid on Twitch.
So how the fuck was this happening to them?
“Bria. Bria— bestie, bro, babe— don’t do this. Do not!”
It is day two of the anticipated UNOVRCon, and they were bound to a chair in their ex-bestie’s hotel room, experiencing a fate worse than death.
Being made to play on UNOVR’s American server.
Now the thing is— this wasn’t even the first time they were playing UNOVR itself. It is the current state-of-the-art VR game and they have a veritable addiction to the pretty pretty shiny shiny and Pokémon in general. They have been banned in three servers. They’re active in the Japanese server, where the fuckery is quite familiar and predictable. By all accounts, joining UNOVR’s main server should be nothing.
They screamed bloody murder anyways, as Bria pried the C0D1E cosplay helmet off their shrimp-colored dye job and slapped on the headset. | INSIDE
THE
GAMEAnd sure, they could’ve just logged out, but no mortal with eyes can resist UNOVR’s extensive character creation screen.
Begrudgingly, they rebuild their streaming avatar. REN is a robot clad in a signature golden helmet that can display a wide variety of pixelated emotions while blinking in RGB keyboard colors. Their voice is completely synthetic, making their words sound like anything from a diss track to metal pipe symphonia. They were built to be a flexible avatar, viciously eye-catching, and beyond your budget. | FACE
CLAIMS IRL CHARACTER
[u]ENSEMBLE STARS[/u]
Hibiki Wataru as @ren
PLAYER CHARACTER
[u]DAFT PUNK[/u]
GM08 as @ren
| OOC
NAME Sleepy
| STARTER
PKMN
NO, I'LL JUMP STRAIGHT INTO RP!
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