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Zac was face-down in a puddle, but this time it wasn't his fault.

He'd been walking in the Misty Timberlands, gotten UI-blinded, tripped, and fallen onto his Shuckle, knocking himself out. Classic mistake. Could happen to anyone. And honestly it was best not to dwell on it.

And it was easy to forget, because the Misty Timberlands weren't here anymore. Neither were his Shuckle or his pants.

Zac snored, blowing unconscious bubbles in the pool of rainwater until he suddenly jolted awake. "Ah bugger me that was a rough one," he pulled himself upright like a mammoth struggling to escape from a tar pit, and cracked his neck with his hands...or tried to. Suddenly, his stubby little arms were too short to do anything with.

He couldn't crack his own neck, he couldn't drive a speedboat, he couldn't perform closeup magic, and he couldn't play the cello (he'd had lessons but there wasn't one on hand. In a pinch he could probably pivot to bass though).

The rainy grassland was full of unfamiliar faces. That's not because Zac didn't know the people (which was true), but also because those people were now Pokemon (that he also didn't know). The Pokemon were gathered around a blue alligator thing with a massive head. Buzzster toddled over to the group, and caught sight of himself in a puddle.

He was a blue alligator thing too. "Huh. This must be one of those avatar things I keep hearing about."

Unfazed by his transformation, Buzzster joined the other. He blinked at the fuzzy, bandana-wearing Eevee next to him "orioncayge ay? Like the fighter?" he asked, overhearing the Eevee's introduction. "Makes sense. You're a big guy, aintcha?" he said to the shoulder-height Pokemon. "Nice head thing. Kinda like a magic cloth. You could hide some cards under there. A coin, or a dove maybe. Good thinking, keep 'em guessing. Name's Zac." He stuck out a stubble blue hand to 'shake'.

He looked between orioncayge and Galatea. "Are you two related?" he asked the Eevees.

A thought struck him, and he addressed the Totodile at the center of the group. "Hey! Are we related?"

They weren't, but Zac's legitimate niece was standing right next to him. He'd been searching for her in-game for months, and had unfortunately been unconscious during the villainous Mudkip's introduction. "What is this place?" he asked his aquatic relative.

NAME: Buzzster Hooperham
GENDER: Totodile
AGE: Adult
ENABLE PKMN SPEECH?: Yes
PAIN THRESHOLD: Realistic
PKMN CLASS: Tank (Disrupt)

"Let's see what's in the ol' bag, ay?" Buzzster said, sliding fifteen Oreos up his sleeve on his way to the bag. This wasn't greed, this was necessity. It was absolutely necessary that he stockpile everything he came across that wasn't nailed down. You never knew when times you be rough.

Zac stuck a crumby mitt into the bag and pulled out a Jade Face Roller. He'd seen them on a 2am infomercial. They were aimed at the elderly, the gullible, and the vain, which meant Zac had bought one secondhand the week he saw it on tv. "Huh. This is for cats too? C'mere Snee, let's get rid of those wrinkles!"

"I don't have wrinkles!" complained the cat, as Zac ran the cold roller gently over the feline's face.

"Damn straight," Buzzster said, switching to himself for a few rolls, then back to the cat, "and with proper self-care we never will. Weren't you listening to the teacher guy? Have you been brushing your teeth?"

Snee hung his head. He hadn't.

"Cheer up bud, this is a classroom, not a courtroom. Nobody's cracking down on you today. We're all learning together." He grabbed a feta and mint Danish off the table. "Here, chew on this. It'll do until we get you a proper brush."

Snee gobbled down the pastry, which left fresh pieces of mint between his sharp teeth.

"There we go! Long-lasting freshness." He turned to Verai. "Okay teach, we've mastered this roller and personal hygiene, that's next?"

"Fire snake ay?" Buzzster said, trying to remember which one that was. Was it Scorpio? No, that's the bloody scorpion. Gemini? No, that was the twins. Virgo? Nobody really knew what Virgo was, so it was probably the fire snake. Sure. Why not.

Zac rearranged the balls into what he remembered as the constellation for Virgo. Predictably, nothing happened, but Zac was feeling his fortune-telling bone tingling again. His fingers tingled, and with a deep and mystic voice he spoke the language of the stars, filling the darkness of the cave with the whispered secrets from far above.

"Listen closely, Virgo, for your Pokemon partners are whispering secrets of victory to you. Trust your instincts and carefully calculate your moves to outwit your opponents. Beware of those who try to sabotage your journey, but do not fear for your trusty Scyther will come to your defense. Remember to stay organized and plan ahead, for chaos may ensue otherwise. The stars predict a fateful encounter with a wild Ditto, be ready for whatever transformations it may bring."

It was a fine fortune, only thrown off by its incorrect astrological information, Buzzster's inexperience, and the onset of mercury poisoning.

"Mercury? Like the planet? Mate I don't know what sort of space juice they fill thermometers with where you're from, but we just use regular old apple-cider vinegar, extracted straight from the seeds." The metallic liquid seeped straight into Zac's skin, but he didn't seem to notice.

Zac looked around the cave, absentmindedly scratching his arm where the mercury had been absorbed. He noticed the plaque, and read it aloud. "Look to the stars for guidance. The constellations are the key." He looked around for stars, but just saw his Pokemon, La Trixxia, Petal, and-- "Charlie Sheen!" he shouted, holding up the terrified Surskit. "You're a star, right? They even put your name on Hollywood Boulevard!" He put the Pokemon down on the raised pedestal. "Charlie! What do you know about astrology?"

"Me? I only hatched last week," squeaked the little bug.

"An Aquarius, huh? That explains a lot." Buzzster arranged the metal balls to resemble the constellation of the water carrier. Nothing happened. "Verai! Quick, when's your birthday!"

"Only cults and mistresses offer free breakfasts!" The last words of Zac's grandmother rang in his head like the warning alarm of a DUI ankle bracelet. "Heads or tails, ay?" he said to Sneee, his cat for the day.

"Heads I win!" Snee replied, eager for any sort of interaction with his master. Sneee was a Nickit, and though he most closely resembled some sort of goth/fox/mop hybrid, he did possess a cat's self-confidence and love of gambling.

"Tell ya what. If nobody calls you out as not being a cat the whole time we're here, then you win. Otherwise I'm bringing La Trixxia next time." Buzzster poked his head in the door. The place looked normal enough. Smashed windows, no door, broken porcelain, way too much dust, Danishes. Buzzster entered without shame or hesitation.

He was a man with boundless confidence. A confidence man with no bondaries, if you will.

And then he spotted Verai at the breakfast table. "Howzit going man!" Buzzster said, approaching way too fast. "It's been ages since we've caught up. Are you here for the food or the cat care lessons?"

"Another pair of hands and eyes is always appreciated," Buzzster said, giving Taylor a wink. "I've been searching all over the bloody place for her, but there's only so many wheelchair accessible places, so we'll find her eventually."

Zac tapped his chin, thinking. "The no catchphrase thing is a bit of a worry, but so is our transport situation. If we're gonna be roaming we should get something that can really eat up the miles, ay? Then we can workshop the catchphrase on the ride." He didn't wait for her to answer, and instead snuck over to the Poke-Ride Rental. There were a fine selection of Blitzle and Ponyta hitched to the posts, but Zac felt his eyes drawn to the Galarian Ponyta at the end of the line. It was eating out of a trough, and Zac felt an instant connection to the over-the-top horse. "Unhitch that one for me, and grab one for yourself, ay? I'll settle out accounts."

Despite his clear offer to pay, Buzzster instead headed around the back of the shop. Perhaps there was a back door. It probably wasn't worth worrying about.