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"Can't you read the shirt?" Bergamot called shrilly back, "It explicitly says don't call me dirty. It's a Carly Rae Jetsam reference."

Actually, it was all part of her evil (normal?) plan, but Sarah Lee was too eager to throw shade to realize she was playing right into Morgana's hands. Yes, Bergamot had the chinese girl exactly where she wanted her. She watched as Sarah Lee threw out two fire-types, just as expected, and then...

A Treecko?

"I've never seen a green fire-type before. Did you have to borrow it from Kath Ulu?" Bergamot taunted, pushing away the familiar feeling that seemed to say 'you're about to get destroyed.' Never let it be said Bergamot Gristleborg didn't rise to a challenge! No matter how many times she should be objectively crushed, humiliated, and embarrassed, she managed to get back up and keep twirling like she was the one on top. It was one of her positive character traits.

"Anyway, Guillotine is not rusty, she's simply unclean," said Morgana, demonstrating one of her negative character traits (being rude). The Piplup gave her a Look. "As for Jack, he's... what's happening? Why are you fighting already?"

Her voice grew shrill and indignant as the battle started before she was done with her monologue. Jack was still looking soulfully over his shoulder at her, waiting for her to finish. "What? Were you hoping for guidance?"

<Peep, peep, boop.>

"You're already booping?! This must be serious." Bergamot tented her fingers, thinking carefully. "Yes. Got it. Jack, stay there, bide your time, and buff Rainbow. Heal it if it gets low." Jack was definitely going to die, so he might as well be useful.

As the Mudkip endured the taunts, wand-waving, and lizards literally sucking out his life force, Bergamot saw Rainbow suddenly act on its own. The serpent shot through the air, wrapping a tight loop around Guillotine with a Whirlpool meant to lift her fighting spirit. The pool buoyed the penguin up even as Charizard's fangs brought Rainbow back down.

"Ride that momentum!" Bergamot cried, barely able to keep her footing as the floors rolled like uneasy waves beneath them. Drops of water hissed and splattered through the grating as they impacted the lava below. "You know the plan, Guillotine! Destroy SARAH LEE!"

The whipping waters made a fine diving board as Guillotine's beak elongated to a sword-like spear. She dove from above, aiming for the Charizard who had swooped so close to Rainbow. She landed on its back, stabbing brutally at the Treecko there before blasting Charizard with dual streams of Bubblebeam as well. She was no instrument of foreign revolution, but she didn't make a bad Sweeper.

Guillotine uses recoil!peck x3 on Treecko for 344 DMG
Guillotine uses recoil!bubblebeam x2 on Charizard for 262 DMG

Meanwhile, Jack fainted.

"JAAAAAACK!" Bergamot screamed dramatically, more to make a Titanic reference than because she actually cared.

SPOILER: Click to show

{BREAKDOWN}
MUDKIP (-440/250 HP) Fainted
Damaged by Heal x5 (Gyarados) for 50 HP
Damaged by Braixen for 250 HP
Damaged by Treecko for 390 HP
Other: Used Buff (Gyarados)

GYARADOS (160/250 HP) Active
Damaged by Heal x5 (Piplup) for 50 HP
Damaged by Charizard for 242 HP
Healed by Mudkip for 152 HP
Other: Used Buff (Piplup)

PIPLUP (250/250 HP) Active
Damaged by Fast Atk x5 for 100 HP
Healed by Gyarados for 162 HP
Other: Used Recoil

MECHANICAL BATTLE

BATTLEFIELD: The tile floors of this stylized medieval castle roll like waves, sure to make you sick if you're not surefooted. Bridges over rivers of lava do little to protect the battling trainers from the heat, and fireballs periodically shoot from the carved statues above.

RULES: Triple Battle, 3v3, Move/Type Mods OK, Tier 4 Cap, You Start the Battle

ROLLING THREAD: THE ARENA

SPOILER: Click to show

{OPTIONAL: POSTING TEMPLATE} [div style="opacity:.2;text-align:center;"]POKEMON 1 - POKEMON 2 - POKEMON 3 - POKEMON 4 - POKEMON 5 - POKEMON 6[/div][blockquote]
Post here

[spoiler]{BREAKDOWN}
[u]POKEMON 1 SPECIES[/u] (Current/Max HP) Active
Damaged by (opponent) for (x HP)
Damaged by (action) for (x HP)
Other

[u]POKEMON 2 SPECIES[/u] (Current/Max HP) Status
Damaged by (opponent) for (x HP)
Damaged by (action) for (x HP)
Other

[u]POKEMON 3 SPECIES[/u] (Current/Max HP) Status
Damaged by (opponent) for (x HP)
Damaged by (action) for (x HP)
Other
[/spoiler]
[/blockquote]
[a href=""]Link to Roll[/a]
Total Damage: x to (target)
Total Healing: x to (target)

SPOILER: Click to show

{CALCULATING DAMAGE}Bonuses apply to each dice rolled. Damage can be calculated like so:
PKMN RARITY + MOVE BONUS + TRAINER CLASS BONUS + MISC + DICE ROLL.

PKMN RARITY	MOVE BONUS	TRAINER CLASS BONUS	MISCELLANEOUS	DICE ROLL
(+0) COMMON	(+20) SUPEREFFECTIVE	(+5) TIER 2: TYPE PKMN	(+10) SUPPORT BUFF	(+?) ROLL VALUE
(+5) UNCOMMON	(+20) Z-MOVE	(+5) TIER 3: TYPE MOVE	(+?) ITEM BONUS
(+10) RARE			(+?) MISC BONUS
(+15) VERY RARE
(+20) LEGENDARY

Sarah Lee, I challenge thee!
Bring your strongest two or three!
The Arena: battle me!
But can you beat my Guillotine?

This was a very real message Bergamot Gristleborg had sent this morning to her archnemesis, Sarah Lee. It was not well-thought-out. She had no real strategy in mind besides "water beats fire" and some vague mind games she'd been hoping to try out on the mentally weak and susceptible chinese girl.

Morgana strolled out onto the red carpet, cocking a hip aggressively. Over the top of her usual frilly blue dress she wore a T-shirt that said "Don't Call Me Dirty" with an arrow pointing up. An interesting addition.

"So you actually came," said the villainess, shifting her weight to account for the rolling floors of the battlefield. "How bold! More fool you." She tossed her hair smugly.

Then she tossed her Pokeballs.

She was well aware that revealing one's hand first was a liability, but she wasn't concerned. Her Pokemon choices were no surprise either: it was Jack, her Mudkip, Rainbow, her Gyarados, and Guillotine, her Piplup. One Sweeper, two Supports.

"Ohohohoho! What do you think about that? You can make the first move," Bergamot said, putting both hands on her hips and smiling confidently.

TRAINER TITLES

Morgana accepted the offered fishing rod as if it was only natural her partner would hand it over. Her eyes shone with triumph. "Oho! A foolish move, handing your fishing rod to the enemy..." the young woman said, stroking the pole the way villains stroked persian cats in movies. "What makes you think I'll give this back?"

She spun around like a magnificent ballet dancer, blue skirts flaring in a perfect bell shape. "One... two... three!" She stopped suddenly, swaying in place at the sudden change of momentum, and threw out a hand. She made a perfect cast with Celastrina's Fishing Rod into the pond.

Morgana wasn't unhinged, she was just uninhibited. It was fun to play a villain on UNOVR, which (in her opinion) lacked suitably villainous NPCs. The amount of damage she could do was limited since, of course, you couldn't actually steal players' items or Pokemon without making a trade request, and PVP was strictly disallowed. She couldn't even pull the Sword-Art-Online strategy of knocking someone out and using their finger to access their UI while they were unconscious - players de-spawned immediately after whiting out. Why did there have to be shrines everywhere? It was ruining her mojo.

"So back to the story," Bergamot said, barely watching as Celestrina successfully netted a large and suspiciously dingy Mantyke. "I'd almost finished telling the joke I just told you when I heard a sound. It sounded like, choo! Choo!"

She pitched her voice in a high, sweet tone, like a child imitating a train. "Why, I was terrified, of course, so I summoned my most powerful Mudkip to fight it. Then, before I could even cry 'Tackle'— oh, I have a bite!"

Morgana reeled suddenly (and literally) as she felt a tug on the other end of the fishing rod. "This rod is quite good quality. Is it the default?" She spun the reel and pulled in the most magnificent [Bigness]yd4Kajfv1d100 [Description]1d90 [Blarney]1d100 you'd ever seen.

Morgana rose to her feet like a reborn zombie, filled with the electric energy of the shrine. Her pupils dilated, her heart stuttered in her chest, and her lips drew back to show her teeth.

Her gaze swept the yellow grasses like lasers, leaving swathes of gray stone in its path. "Ha! Revived," she said smugly, then looked up.

She'd been afraid to see what had happened of the Duraludon, but she was even more surprised to see her view obstructed. Crimson clouds boiled and scudded overhead as she looked over the bulk of a Gigantimax Pikachu. Its back currently faced her, striped with brown and yellow like giant scars.

"Oh, boo," Bergamot uttered, cross. How was she supposed to top that? And she did remember that big Pikachu from the Round 2 party, now that she thought about it. Drunk as she had been at the time.

As the Electro Ball spun through the air, Bergamot dusted off her skirts and recalled her Salandit. She had a new crony now, and her name was Yggy Br00ks.

Morgana disguised her ineptitude by laughing triumphantly. "Ohohoho! You're starting to catch on," she said, tone dropping to a low, sinister murmur.

Actually, she'd just forgotten Salandit's ability (which usually allowed to to poison steel-types despite their immunity - corrosion? Something like that) didn't work on UNOVR, so she was simultaneously smarter than she looked and also dumber than she was pretending to be. "I've tricked you into assisting me in a hopeless battle, Yiggy Brooooooks." She pronounced it the way it was spelled.

Her eyes shone. "So what are you going to do?" The challenge was unmistakable. "Fight me? Fight the machine? You and your Pokemon are helpless in the face of my treachery." Actually, the blonde's ground-type Sandile unmistakably had the advantage here, but Morgana pretended that wasn't true. "Face it, foolish trainer. You've fallen right. Into. My. Trap."

<Ssssneee...>

"Use Poison Gas again, Crony 2012!" Bergamot raised her voice, deviant, defiant. "Hoho! I'll teach you to order me around."